Although it is changing, over times gone by emotions have been seen as a bad thing. Being over emotional is something people are often criticised for and being told to pull yourself together is something many of us were told from a very young age. The problem is that it has left many people unable to be emotionally literate and express their emotions. As a result people may have little awareness of the emotions they are experiencing.
The consequences of this is that people are are unable to understand, articulate and express their emotions in a way that helps them cope with them and even use them to their advantage rather than suppressing them. It is critical to become emotionally literate as a leader as this helps you to understand how the people you are leading may be feeling and be in a place where you can help them harness their emotions in an effective way. At the end of the day we are human beings and emotions are part of who we are. We are not robots, and that is what makes us all unique, different and fascinating. It is complex and and not easy, so that is why many chose to ignore it, but it is what being human is all about, so we cannot ignore it, especially when it comes to leading others. This is what will really help you connect with your team members so that ultimately they will want to work for you and support you as a leader.
Awareness
The first step is having an ongoing awareness of the emotional state that you are in. How are you feeling right now at this current time? What feelings are you having as you are reading this article? Not thoughts, but feelings. We often know what we are thinking but cannot articulate what we are feeling. Our feelings will typically follow on from our thoughts. Without having an awareness of our feelings we cannot do anything to look to manage them. Some of our thinking and feelings are driven by automatic thoughts and beliefs that are unconscious so we have no awareness of them. Yet, if we can notice them, we are able to make them more conscious, therefore our awareness of them increases and so our response to them is less automatic. I think sometimes we don’t want to notice our feelings as we are scared of what they might be. This is certainly what I do at times. As a result we try to suppress them. Yet that very suppression is very tiring and eats away at us on the inside until it manifests itself in a more extreme way. If, on the other hand we can learn to notice what they are, this acknowledgement and awareness in its own right will sometimes allow the feelings to pass. In addition to this we have to remember that we also experience lots of positive emotions and yet we don’t tend to distinguish between the two and so we miss out on all the positive emotions. This is what being human is about. Allowing us to experience the good and the bad.
As we come up to the holiday season and a festive period we can experience a wide range of emotions. Especially during this uncertain time this is potentially even more likely to be the case. So, why not start practising during the holiday period. Take a moment at different times of the day to write down how you are feeling. No explanation, simply how you are feeling. These are some possible emotions that you may be experiencing:
I feel frustrated, sad, ashamed, disappointed, anxious, scared, confused, tired…..
I feel happy, content, excited, energised, loved, safe, grounded, confident…..
At this exact moment how are you feeling? What emotions are you experiencing?
The above are some of the main words used to describe our emotions, but search for the words that really describe that feeling for you. Perhaps try it at specific times of the day, such as first thing in the morning, lunchtime and then before bed. Start articulating how you are feeling. In the beginning this might be difficult. Persevere. It will become easier. You are capable of becoming emotionally literate even if you don’t think of yourself as an emotional person. It takes practice and this is the first step.
Not only will it help you manage your own emotional states it will also enable you to consider the feelings of others and connect with people on a deeper level.
